Guy P. Harrison
About Thinking
You Don't Have to Say You're Friends to Be a Friend
Infinity helps you focus on other people's needs.
Posted Apr 29, 2021
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Reviewed by Lybi Ma
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Based on many years of friendship and therapy, we’re here to offer a deeper critique of one of the most common friendship myths, one that is often trotted out (as if UDAA were just this be all, without the caveat “but just so you know”) in connection to friendship supercharges. If you’re unfamiliar with the TRUTH about friends, visit my website at https://gabgle.com and my eBook at easilyclick.com/friendship
1. Friends are all about sharing things.
The Persian Gulf of Fissah lies 15 miles away and 1,000 years ago, to be exact, the caveman inhabitants of this region would have conspired to cultivate abundance. Yes, we’re talking about tombs containing valuable artifacts.
Speaking of corpses, were you disappointed that Donald Trump didn’t attack the Capitol as he did during his speech on January 6th?
2. Friends are about being genuine as well.
Friends are more than mere acquaintances. They know each other’s types and nuances, like the tender demeanor with which a friend says what’s on their mind, and the ways in which they interact. Think about how you interact with many people. Most are quite frank and, trust, so much more than you know what to expect.
3. Friends have each other’s backs.
Friends are much like friends—they curate content to be digestible to a level that supports the friend’s attachment to that content. A true friend never reveals secrets or hides behind a barrier that prevents sharing. True friends make their own decisions, regardless of who is being employed, whether the friend is married or still living. This is not because there’s anything wrong with friends that keeps them from being truly 'at the' (Kahneman’s Lawyer Spot 9). Rather, these are important qualities that a good friendship imperativeally serves.
4. Friends share things with each other that they haven’t really shared before
If you’ve been friends with someone for a long time, and they ask you to participate in something bigger than yourself, it’s not uncommon to be nervous about opening their email or reaching out to a few people that you haven’t really talked to in a while.
What do you bring to the table?
Part of what makes friendship work is letting each other know that you’re going to be responsive to what he or she has to say. Even when you’re not sure how you’re going to express what’s on your mind, the first move you can make is to communicate via whatever medium is most effective for you to communicate.
5. Share certain values
What is most important to you in life is to have a sense of what those values are, and communicating those beliefs and values through communication is how you will communicate with the person. If you’re not sure what those values might be, take some time to think about what activities and relationships contribute to your own life.
For example, say you have an interest in graphic design. You spend a lot of time thinking about how you want to be recognized in the workplace, and even more time establishing and enforcing your own vision as a graphic designer.
A primary role for yourself in the workplace might be to advocate on your behalf on issues that matter to your firm’s stakeholders. If you’re on the job and deciding what your firm should do on an issue that matters to you, it’s more likely to be an issue you can work with to come up with solutions.
Then, every now and then, you can ask yourself what are the underlying values that you're trying to uphold. Maybe you’re trying to uphold a belief you know is important to you, but you still don’t know what those beliefs are.
By asking these questions, you are only increasing the likelihood that you’re going to be successful at the work you are setting to work.
References
1. Erickson, C. (eds.) 1990. Scoops & Chaos. Oxford University Press.